Moving on

That Warm Glow is going dark. But all three of my loyal readers shouldn't fear -- I'm moving to bigger and better(?) things. I'm now my newspaper's official TV blogger, and you can check out That Warm Glow version 2.0 at tv.pressdemocrat.com. The layout's ugly, but they tell me we'll be upgrading at some point.

So come on over to the new place, click around and check back often -- I'll be trying to update regularly. Thanks to all who've been following this site, it's been fun.
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Reality trainwrecks to come

Just when you thought MTV's Real World couldn't plunge any deeper into a banal orgy of underage drinking and, well, orgies, this news comes out -- next season, The Real World is hitting Mexico. Cancun, to be exact. The show (can you believe it was interesting once upon a time?) has been on for 22 seasons now, which would make it almost too old to appear on itself. Expect even more than the usual share of obnoxious, drunken antics and random, skanky hookups. Because what happens in Real World: Cancun, certainly won't stay in Real World: Cancun. Especially if it's gonorrhea.

Meanwhile, over at MTV's trashy sister station (yikes), VH1 announced Monday a new show to debut next summer following the offseason life of Terrell Owens, the poster boy of everything that's wrong with the NFL. No title yet (hmmm, Tool Academy is already taken), but the series will feature Owens' publicists and apparently only friends— Monique Jackson and Kita Williams — who will work as “matchmakers and therapists” to help him straighten out his personal life. You may be heartened to know that Owens has fired his last publicist, Kim Etheridge, who told police Owens tried to kill himself by overdosing on pills, which lead to an early-season soap opera in 2006. With T.O.'s reputation for self-destruction and a bi-polar mix of self-adoration/self-loathing, a visit to Dr. Drew might be a better fit.
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Monday Lookaround

A look back at the best and worst of last week, and a look ahead to what's coming up.

Highlights
1. Lost. Time-tripping along in the season premiere. Round and round the island goes, when it stops, nobody knows . . . . Though there were plenty of plot twists and revelations, my personal favorite parts were Hurley chucking a Hot Pocket at Ben (was I the only one who had Jim Gaffigan chirping "Hot Pock-ets!" in their head during that scene?) and Frogurt the annoying Lostaway getting a flaming arrow to the chest. That'll teach him to speak out of line to Sawyer.

2. Battlestar Galactica. It was a quiet episode, but more like the quiet before the storm. The little dashes of humor -- Adama's "Sometimes I hate this job" -- were a nice break from the bleakness of last week's premiere. It was gripping to watch the seeds being sown -- Baltar preaching a message of anarchy, Roslin giving up the fight and Gaeta making yet another horribly bad decision -- and wondering how it will all turn out.

3. Flight of the Conchords. Bret ("Brit!") buys a $2.75 mug that throws him and Jemaine into poverty, and the only way out is for Jemaine to become a man-whore. Hooo boy, who hasn't been there?

Honorable mention: Burn Notice. It's nice to have Michael and the gang back. Those overhead shots of Miami are amazing eye candy in HD. And a bikini cat-fight to boot! Rarrrr!

Lowlights
1. Top Chef. Restaurant Wars is usually among the best episodes of the season. But this one floundered under the weak leadership of both teams. This has been a pretty uninspiring year for Top Chef, and this episode was pretty par for the course. Radikha's hosting must have been pretty awful for her to go home, considering Leah's entree was inedible. Can't wait for Leah to go home. In fact, just give them all the boot except for Jamie, Fabio and Stefan (and maybe Jeff) and let them battle it out. It's pretty clear they're head and shoulders above the rest.

2. The Office. The whole Hilary Swank hot-or-not bit went on for waaaay too long. And I was disappointed that Michael caved and decided to crush the nice family paper company.

3. That creepy commercial for a certain car insurance company featuring the farmer who looks like a refugee from Deliverance, a driver who looks like a serial killer asking for directions, and a wad of cash with eyeballs sitting on a fencepost. It just makes me want to change the channel.

Looking forward to. . .
1. Battlestar Galactica. Looks like civil war starts to break out in the fleet. Oh frak. . .

2. Damages. Ellen gets out into the field with an investigative reporter, and bad things happen in West Virginia. (Do good things ever happen in West Virginia?)

3. Lost. Lord knows what'll happen. Just let it come, and I'll try to figure it out later.
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Lost -- I'm not even going to try to figure it out

What it is about incomprehensibley complex shows that draws me to them? The only show on TV these days that's more dense and confusing than Battlestar Galactica is, of course, Lost. It returned for a fifth season last night with two hours of mind-bending shockers and baffling twists. I'm not smart enough to comprehend string theory or the quantum mechanics of time travel, so I long ago gave up trying to figure out what's going on. I'm on board till the end, and I'll just go where Lost's writers take me.

A few quick thoughts from last night:

• How come Faraday tells Sawyer he can't change time, yet he talks to Desmond and appears to do just that? But if Desmond has been travelling through time, that would explain his visions of Charlie dying. Maybe they happened in alternate realities.
  
• Who are the soldiers who want to hack off Juliette's hand? Widmore mercenaries maybe? But are they from the past, when the island was "his"? Or the future, when it's his again?
• Who was shooting the flaming arrows? The Duke boys? (No, that'd be dynamite arrows.) The island natives who built the 4-toed statue? Pirates?
• Come on, who couldn't see Frogurt's death coming? (And what a great nickname too! Kudos, Sawyer.) Any random castaway who speaks up is bound to die. And this particular redshirt was even wearing a red shirt! His flaming death was awesome. Oh, and if you thought Frogurt looked familiar, he was the dude in the original "Got Milk?" commercial, who couldn't answer the Aaron Burr trivia question because he was eating peanut butter. And there's your random piece of trivia for the day.
• So Mrs. Caffey -- errrr, Hawking -- the antique-store clerk who told Desmond his destiny way back when, if working with Ben. Looks like she's into physics too. Could she be Faraday's mother, the one future Faraday told past Desmond to find? And if Ben ever needs some muscle, will she just call her son Michael? (Oops, wrong series -- she also plays the tough-as-nails matriarch on Brotherhood.)
• What's the story with Sun? She was totally playing mindgames with Kate, blaming her -- without overtly blaming her -- for her husband's death. And her deal with Widmore -- is she going to be basically a double agent and blow Ben's plan out of the water? (Sorry Jin, no pun intended.) One of the writers let it slip in the recap show that Jin may be very much alive. I want to see where this plot line is headed.
• Dr. Candle/Chang has a baby on the island. Was the baby born there? Conceived there? Could the baby be Miles, and his birth on Spooky Island gave him some sort of ghost-sensing ability?
• Charlotte's bloody nose -- just like the worker Locke saw building his house. The one who said he's been dead for years. Are the nosebleeds from travelling in time?
• If there are all sorts of people jumping through time all around the island, could that explain the ghostly whispers the Losties have been hearing for the past few seasons? Like, the voices of the time travellers are close to, but not quite in, the same dimension as the Losties?
• Why didn't The Others time travel with the Lostaways? Are they somehow immune? Wouldn't time travel affect everyone and everything on the island? (Obviously not...)
  

Geez, didn't I say I was done trying to figure this show out? It just makes my head hurt.
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Mad Men update

Fear not, Mad Men fans, series creator Matt Weiner has been re-signed to a two-year deal with AMC. There had been concern when the third season was announced in October with Weiner's status in limbo, and salary negotiations were said to be contentious. But the Emmy-winning show lives and dies with Weiner and AMC apparently realized it couldn't continue without him. Season 3 is on track to premiere next summer -- July, in fact -- with a fourth season likely the following summer.

Speaking of Mad Men, series star Jon Hamm will make a guest appearance on an upcoming story arc of 30 Rock as Liz Lemon's new love interest. I'm concerned -- such a convergence of favorite actors could very well make my girlfriend's head explode.
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It's like the West Wing. Only real.

What are you doing reading a TV blog now? Don't be an idiot, go watch the inauguration!
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The Monday Look Around

Here's the start of a (hopefully) regular feature, the Monday Look Around. It's a look back at TV's best and worst of the past week, and a look ahead at what's to come.

Highlights
1. Battlestar Galactica. The first of the final 10 episodes was a true stunner. Bleak and unrelenting, with shocking series-changing revelations, it wasn't particularly fun to watch, but it was powerful and dramatic television, a truly great show at its best. While answering some crucial questions, it opened up even more.

2. Damages. Another of television's best dramas, and the intrigue kicked into gear last week. Did Purcell kill his wife? Why is Patty so obsessed with helping him? Who does Ellen shoot (or shoot at)? Why is Wes so helpful to Ellen, and why does he have a cabinet full of guns and Frobisher photos? Can Claire Maddox take down Patty Hewes? And whose side is she on? And how are she and Purcell connected? It's enough to make your head spin, in the best way possible.

3. The Office. Biggest laughs of the week. From Michael racing next to the roadside speed indicator, to the office trying to keep the lid on a secret (Kevin to Angela: "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form."), to the inevitable Andy-Dwight showdown, I think this was The Office's best all-around episode of the year.

Lowlights
1. VH1. Looking for a trainwreck of a show? Look to VH1. "Pathetic" pretty much sums up their programming: pathetic Barbie-doll women throwing themselves at pathetic former rock star Bret Michaels on Rock of Love Bus, pathetic former "teen idols" (really? I never heard of most of those guys) desperate to recapture a glimmer of fame on Confessions of a Teen Idol, pathetic guys called out for the tools that are on Tool Academy . . . enough awful shows that Celebrity Rehab and Sober House seem classy in comparison. Of course, the awfulness of these shows doesn't necessarily stop me from watching.

2. Top Chef. I had real problems with last week's episode, "Down on the Farm." The Quickfire challenge was terrible. I watch this show to see talented chefs compete at a high level, not dinker around with canned peas and Chef Boyardee. This season has had more than its usual share of contrived cooking challenges, and it's coming dangerously close to ruining the show's credibility. I was also upset that Arianne was sent packing. Granted, her lamb was bad, but the tying -- which seemed to make the judges most upset -- was done by Leah, who really didn't contribute anything useful to the meal, and deflected all blame come judging. She should have been gone, and I hope she doesn't last much longer.

3. 30 Rock. It fell flat. I love this show, and maybe that's why my expectations are so high, but for the first time in a long time, it didn't crack me up. Every show has its bumps, and hopefully this was just one of those. I won't hold a grudge.

Looking Forward to . . .
1. Lost. Two-hour season premiere Wednesday. Where/when did that island go?!? Can't . . . freakin . . . wait.

2. Burn Notice. Returns Thursday to USA. It'll be a good dose of fun hijinks and pretty explosions in an otherwise very serious, highly dramatic TV season.

3. Top Chef. It's time for Restaurant Wars this Wednesday, consistently one of the best episodes of each season.
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BSG spoiler-fest

So Battlestar Galactica kicked off its final season Friday with a series of shockers that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. This may have been the bleakest, most depressing episode ever. I'm going to start talking about spoilers, so if you haven't watched, beware. If you have, then. . .

Where to begin? The missing 13th colony was Cylon. Starbuck discovers her own corpse. Dee blows her brains out. And Ellen in the final Cylon.

Let's start with the 13th colony. They were Cylons. Holy crap. So are humans and Cylons really the same? But Cylons can't reproduce. They had to be created, but by whom? And who nuked Earth? Was Earth populated by Cylons before the 13th colony arrived, and some kind of Cylon civil war broke out? Or did Cylons and humans come into contact with each other and blew each other up? Remember, "it's all happened before and it will happen again." So, so, so many questions. And I have no clue. Here's one theory: The humans nuked Earth and killed all the Cylons, and the Cylon attack on the 12 colonies was their revenge.

Who/what is Starbuck? The signal from the rescue beacon brought Starbuck to her own crashed Viper, with her charred corpse inside, a development that freaked out even the ever-creepy Leoben. So how is Starbuck still alive? Is she a Cylon? Not unless she's a heretofore-unknown 13th model (oooooh, the missing 13th colony, and unknown 13th Cylon . . . . that could be interesting). Was she cloned? That's my guess. But by who? Cylons? Remember when she was held captive on Caprica, the Cylons did something to her in that baby factory -- removed eggs? Got a nice DNA sample? Hmmmmm. Then there's the whole prophecy -- "Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its end. She is the herald of the Apocalypse, the harbinger of death." Did she bring about the destruction of Earth? Her body seemed too fresh for that. Will she bring about the end of humans? Or Cylons? Or is she some kind of human-Cylon hybrid, the first of a new race that marks the end of both humanity AND Cylons as separate species?

Poor Dee. Her suicide was one of the biggest shocks for me, and one of the saddest moments of the series. Her character was never particularly interesting, but she had eyes that could melt you, and yeah, I'm that shallow. Her death came seemingly out of nowhere, after a perfect date with ex-hubby Apollo. But really, it spoke to the utter despair felt by the survivors in the fleet. Putting all their hopes in finding the refuge that is Earth, and then finding that dream shattered must have been devastating. And what better way to illustrate that than by one of the seemingly most level-headed officers finally giving up? For once, a plot device that was understandable, though heartbreaking.

And Ellen Tigh is the final Cylon. Wow, I did not see that coming. I have to say, I'm a little underwhelmed. Her character was never fully fleshed out, and I wish we knew more about her. Her Wikipedia entry has a pretty good summary of what we know though, including lots of stuff I had forgotten about. And there were clues all along that she might have been a Cylon. I suppose I was expecting someone more shocking -- Roslin, Adama, Starbuck. But this makes a little more sense. There's been a lot of online chatter about Ellen and Saul's relationship being an epic, eternal romance, but I'm not quite buying that yet. They always seemed horribly dysfunctional, and she had slept with half the fleet. He killed her, for gods' sake! Whether it offeres a ray of hope or not, if that's the greatest romance in the galaxy, then we're all in trouble.

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Frak yeah!

This weekend is highlighted by the season premieres of two of the most highly anticipated shows of the season (for me, at least).

The final season of Battlestar Galactica kicks off at 10 p.m. tonight on Sci Fi. Those who've never watched it might chuckle at the name, but seriously, this is arguably the best show on television. No other show goes so deep into the issues of paranoia, war, social norms, morality, religion and ultimately, what it means to be human. If you aren't caught up, don't bother tuning in. There's backstory that you NEED to see first. But the previous seasons' DVDs are out and the show's on Hulu.com, so catch up fast. Tonight's premiere was written so it could have served as the series finale if the show had fallen victim to last year's writers strike, and they're promising some mind-blowing revelations (the identity of the final One?) If you saw last season and need a refresher course, catch the frak up here. You can also catch up on the 10-part webisode that reveals a big secret in Gaeta's past that may rear its ugly head tonight.

And then on Sunday, Flight of the Conchords is back for its second season on HBO. The first episode has been available online for a couple weeks, but I'm waiting to see it on the big screen. Errr, at least the bigger-than-my-laptop-screen screen. This is one of the funniest shows on TV, and if you haven't checked it out yet, it's definitely worth a look.
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Well, he knows how to sell product...

Stringer Bell is coming to The Office. Idris Elba, who memorably played entrepreneurial drug-gang money man Stringer Bell on The Wire, will guest star in six episodes as Michael Scott's new nemesis. Can't wait for this. Especially if he mentions his previous position as assistant regional manager in Baltimore or something like that. The paper industry seems a step down and slightly less lucrative for him than the heroin trade, but he'll probably end up a lot less bullet-riddled.
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Cool random show of the day

Remember Tattooine, Luke Skywalker's home planet in Star Wars? Oceans of sand with mile-high dunes, broken up by jumbles of rugged, rocky terrain? Well imagine racing across that in a car, motorcycle or souped-up truck. That's the 2009 Dakar Rally.

Originally billed as the Paris-to-Dakar Rally, the annual off-road race through the deserts of western Africa has been plagued in recent years by attacks and threats of attacks by Islamic militants and run-of-the-mill bandits (much like how the Sandpeople terrorized Tattooine). So this year the race got moved to South America, to the pampas and deserts of Chile and Argentina.

Versus has been showing half-hour Dakar highlights (3 p.m and again at 6:30 or 7:30 p.m. --it changes day to day -- through Jan. 18), and it's pretty incredible to watch, especially in HD. The spectacular barren landscape of the Atacama Desert, mountainous dunes, jagged rock flats and one of the most intense, extreme race in the world -- it's pretty impressive.

I have no idea who any of the racers are (except for IndyCar and NASCAR veteran Robby Gordon), how they follow the course or what the strategy is -- I just like watching the off-road vehicles spray huge geysers of sand as they fly over sand dunes.

Check it out ASAP -- the race ends in a few days, and they'll be out of the desert and hitting the mountains tomorrow, I think.
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The Boys of January

With spring training a mere five weeks away, it's time to start gearing up for baseball. And one way to do that is to tune in to the new MLB Network. It debuted Jan. 1 and is available on most digital cable systems (though sorry, Dish Network, not yours). It'll show a truckful of World Baseball Classic games in March, and regular Thursday night games throughout the season. But until the season starts, it's a struggle to find enough programming to fill 24 hours. But that can be good for viewers.

The broadcast schedule now consists of reruns of recent postseason games (for you Phillies fans), in-studio analysis shows and classic games. This morning's Hot Stove show featured a fascinating interview with recent Hall-of-Fame inductee Rickey Henderson explaining his base-stealing tricks to Barry Larkin and Harold Reynolds, himself a pretty decent base-stealer in his day. It was a terrific bit of insight into one of the game's greatest players, explaining how he'd focus soley on the movement of the pitcher's elbows before stealing third, and that he started sliding head-first because he was hurting his legs too much sliding feet-first. Considering all the stories about Rickey being a semi-literate space cadet, it's nice to see him show what an intelligent player he really was.

That was followed by a replay of Don Larsen's perfect game in the 1956 World Series (which I'm watching right now -- Mickey Mantle just got the first hit of the game, a home run in the fourth). The game hasn't been shown in its entirety since '56, and this the type of gem where MLB Network could excel. The league owns the network, and controls a vast vault of historic games and documentaries. The game broadcast is refreshingly stripped down -- black and white, two camera angles, no instant replay, no crowd shots, barebones graphics, and an amazing 15 Hall of Famers taking part in one of the greatest performances in baseball history. Mel Allen and Vin Scully do the play-by-play, Allen doing the first half alone in the booth, Scully taking over for him in the bottom of the fifth. I've gotta say, it's a whole lot of fun to watch a World Series game from a 1956 perspective (A day game . . . no shots of celebrities in the crowd . . . no Tim McCarver . . . and lots of classic Gilette commercials). One interesting thing Mel Allen pointed out -- the Yankees removed the batter's eye in center field for that game to squeeze more fans into the park, making it tougher for hitters to see the pitch. And through five innings, there's only been one hit in the game -- Sal Maglie has matched Larsen almost pitch for pitch. Huh, I never knew that.

Figuring out programming can be a challenge (try the online schedule) since -- on my Comcast TV Guide at least -- it says simply "MLB Network" instead of breaking down individual shows. But hopefully that'll change soon. This is a network that could very easily find itself being my default channel of choice.

Ooooh, Mantle just made a great catch to rob a triple in Death Valley and keep the perfect game going.

See what I mean?
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Comings and goings

Fox announced Tuesday that Prison Break is coming to an end after four seasons. The show, which went on hiatus in December, will return April 17 with about a half-dozen episodes to wrap things up. I never got into it -- I got my fill of labrynthine plot twists and implausible action from 24 for too many years -- but it's nice they'll get a chance to shoot an actual series finale.

Life on Mars is getting a spinoff series on BBC America. Ashes to Ashes premieres March 7, and will feature a modern-day female cop who gets shot and transported back to 1981, where she meets Detective Chief Inspector Gene Hunt (Philip Glenister), who was similarly-transported Detective Sam Tyler's boss in 1974. Two unrelated people bounced back in time due to a catastrophic injury? Sounds like a bit of a stretch, but it stars Keeley Hawes (who was great as Zoe in MI-5) and coming from the Life on Mars creators, it might be worth a shot. Oh, and of course, Ashes to Ashes is the title of an obscure David Bowie song, just like Life on Mars. Hmmm, maybe Bowie's behind the time-travelling. He always seemed inter-dimensional.

Speaking of Mars, seems like half the cast of Veronica Mars will be reuniting in creator Rob Thomas' new show, Party Down, on Starz. The comedy, about L.A. caterers who really want to be actors, premieres March 20. It'll star Ken Marino (slimy P.I. Vinnie Van Lowe), Adam Scott (creepy teacher Mr. Rooks), Jane Lynch (?) and Ryan Hansen (the immortal Dick Casablancas), with Enrico Colantoni (Keith Mars) and Ed Begley Jr. (Dean O'Dell) appearing as guest stars. And rumor has it Kristen Bell wants to do a guest appearance as well.
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American cheese

OK, so maybe I'll admit to belting out a Kelly Clarkson song or two with the radio as I sped across pastureland in Iceland a few years back (long story). But that doesn't mean I'll be tuning in to American Idol tonight. But half of the country will be.

The ratings juggernaut returns to Fox for an eighth season, and this season will have a few changes in order to spice things up. Most noticeably, a fourth judge has been added: Grammy-nominated (Oooh, Freudian slip -- I originally typed "Granny") songwriter/producer Kara DioGuardi. Apparently the British version has four judges, so the show is sort of returning to its roots. The ever-acerbic Simon Cowell will take a back seat and be used when needed as a tiebreaking vote. They'll also show less of the trainwreck auditions and bring more semifinalists to Hollywood.

Yawn. Whatever. Regardless of the changes, the show will still run its generic, cheesetastic pop machine roughshod over America, further eroding a once great musical culture. In protest, I'll be listening to some old Replacements albums.

But for any Idol worshippers out there, here's a link you might want to check out. My colleague, assistant sports editor and senior old-person music editor Bill Pinella, will be blogging about his love affair with the show. I'm sure it'll be special.

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Starting all over again

This post comes about a week late, but if you haven't noticed yet, TV's midseason relaunch is in full swing.

Scrubs came back last Tuesday on a new network (ABC). It's been fun to watch this show mature (though I don't know it mature is the right word to use in this case). I've always been a believer that less is more when it comes to this show, and I hope they tone down the ridonkulousness level. Last week was encouraging, especially the second episode centered around the dying patient. That mix of humor and poignancy is what has made Scrubs great in the past.

Nip/Tuck was also back last week, but come on, is anyone still watching this show? It went over the edge loooooong ago. Have they tried a head transplant yet? If not, they I predict one this season.

Last Wednesday saw the Season 2 premiere of Damages. Sure, Season 1 took ridiculous twists and turns, but it has arguably the best cast on television (Emmys for Glen Close and Zelko Ivanek), especially now with the addition of Oscar-winners William Hurt and Marcia Gay Harden as well as Deadwood's top scowler, Timothy Oliphant. Throw in Rose Byrne and a career perfomance from Ted Danson and you've got magic. This season promises to be no less convoluted and suspenseful, and I'll be watching every minute.

Damages has a lot of company on Wednesdays though, with Top Scallop -- errr, Top Chef (sorry, Jamie, but Fabio hit that nail on the head) -- and Lost, which returns next week.

24 kicked off a the latest longest day of Jack Bauer's life last night, but I just can't do it. Sloppy writing, poor planning on story arcs and characters acting totally out of character ruined this show long ago. If this season turns out to be any good, I'll just catch up on the DVDs later.

The final season of Battlestar Galactica starts Friday night, with the human and Cylon survivors trying to make sense of the post-apocalyptic wasteland that was once called Earth. And who's the final Cylon? All will be revealed, they promise. And rumor has it the Final One will be revealed sooner rather than later.

Also coming Friday is Season 3 of Friday Night Lights on NBC, just as the season's original run on DirecTV ends. I'm watching Season 1 now on Netflix, and I'm loving this show. How I managed to miss it until now baffles me, but it's definitely worth watching

Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords begins Sunday, and New Zealand's fourth most-popular folk/comedy band will release new songs from the shows every Monday in iTunes. That'll be nice for when you have a song like "Hiphopapotamus vs. Rhymenocerous" stuck in your head. Sadly, this might be the Conchords' last season. Apparently it isn't easy to write an original musical comedy series. And -- say it ain't so! -- the first episode deals with the band firing their hapless manager, Murray.

In a departure from its usual summer airing, Burn Notice is back next Thursday. Breezy, action-packed and smart, this show really deserves a bigger audience. Hopefully the sight of tropical Miami will draw in some snowbound viewers.

There's also a handful of new reality shows, but I'll get to those in a future post. Stay tuned.
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Something smells fishy at Food Network

Food Network is rolling out a new batch of shows, and they look very . . . familiar. Seems they've been bitten by the copycat bug. Don't believe me? Check these out:

There's a lot of hype for Chopped. Ted Allen's new show looks remarkably similar to Bravo's Top Chef, which -- coincidentally I'm sure -- he helped judge until last year. The premise looks like a mix of Top Chef -- putting up-and-coming chefs in pressure situations -- meets Iron Chef -- where they make a surprise dish. I liked Allen in his Top Chef role, but his first Food Network show, Food Detectives, is overly simplistic and uninteresting. Not to mention a rip-off of equal parts Alton Brown's Good Eats and Discovery Channel's Mythbusters. Well, minus the fun and interesting parts.

Then there's the new Will Work for Food, starring Next Food Network Star (now there's a self-fulfilling prophecy) Adam Gertler. Every week Gertler will go behind the scenes and risk life, limb and dignity at countless food jobs that the average person takes for granted -- from gathering honey from bees to digging a wine cave. Sounds like a great idea and a fun show. Too bad Mike Rowe has already been doing that for years on Discovery's Dirty Jobs.

New York Magazine illustration

Ultimate Recipe Showdown is back for a second season and hey, newest Iron Chef Michael Symon is on the judging panel! Oh wait, no, that's . . . Michael Psilakis. You can understand the confusion though, as Psilakis could be Symon's doppleganger. They're both tall, bald, have hip facial hair, archy eyebrowns, Greek . . . Here's the giveway -- Symon has the soul patch on the front of his chin. Psilakis' soul patch is on the bottom of his chin. It's enough to sucker in viewers who are casual Symon fans who don't know any better. The show, meanwhile, is more or less Top Chef with amateurs.

Come on, Food Network, is this really the best you can do? Pretty sad state of affairs for a once fairly interesting network. I suppose it could be worse -- we could be subjected to 24 hours of all-Guy Fieri.
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